We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize