1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
