tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
