I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
