U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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