it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize