My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
