So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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