you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
