I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to make out with him forever
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
