Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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