Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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