Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
