you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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