Ketchup is God's man juice
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
