if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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