apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
