No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize