At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
