i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
