I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize