Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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