a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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