I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
