Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
