Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
