he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
