I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
