Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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