He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
