drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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