i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
