Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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