i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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