These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
