Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
