i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
