She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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