Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
