she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
