You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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