Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
