I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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