I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize