I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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