even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
