Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ugly people sure do ruin things
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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