i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
