Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
