Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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