Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
