I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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