My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
