I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I supernannyed him into submission
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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