It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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