Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
