Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
