You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
