I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
