theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize