we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
