I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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