True but thats because hes a fetus.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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