remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
