I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
