I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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