"it" just moved
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
